Learn
how mom and woman can happily exist together
(METRO) — The parenting books and
television experts tell us that becoming a mother is one of the most wonderful
things a woman can experience.
And for most it truly is. But a strange phenomenon
happens to many mothers — a sort of metamorphosis that can eventually
tarnish the happy glow of motherhood.
With each passing year another layer of a woman’s former
identity can peel away as she begins to evolve from woman to mother.
It may start out as something small, like subtle wardrobe
changes for “comfort” or skipping events that were once pastimes in lieu of
kid-oriented events. No big deal, right?
But eventually the transformation crescendos and an
identity detachment can occur.
But there are ways to meld mom and woman and allow them
to cohabit peacefully, all the while making for a stronger, happier family.
Take, for example, the story of Tate in “The Book of Mom”
(Nautilus Press), by Taylor G. Wilshire. Tate’s a stay-at-home mom who left the
fast-paced business world when she became a mother.
While the mom persona works for her for a number of
years, soon she starts to question her identity and the woman she’s become.
Through friendships, a little therapy and some
soul-searching, Tate gets back on the path to becoming a unique and remarkable
woman — both in and outside of her role as mom.
For mothers who are facing the same questions and
dilemmas as Tate, don’t feel guilty as you’re far from alone. Follow these tips
for changing your attitude and outlook and make for a well-rounded family life.
• Schedule time for you: It’s unhealthy to always put
the needs of your children first, which can lead to resentment and an emotional
breakdown.
Tailor time solely for yourself.
Good ways to unwind and enjoy some “you” moments include
meditation, yoga, affirmation walks, or simply jotting down words of gratitude
or feelings in a your-eyes-only journal.
Just as you’d mark the calendar for an after-school sports
practice or a relative’s birthday, add an “appointment” for you alone.
• Embrace the present: As overachievers most mothers
want to take on the world, constantly multitasking and thinking ahead to the
long list of to-dos to come.
But in multitasking you’re really not getting more done
in a quality way.
Amid the
chores and other responsibilities, it’s easy to lose sight of the present
moment — especially those moments shared with the kids.
Too soon, missed opportunities occur and you’re left
with “should’ves” and “could’ves instead” of solid mother-child experiences.
Live in the moment, the now. The rest will work itself
out.
• Marriage evolution: After kids, marriage does change.
But your husband and you must change along with it.
The time that you once devoted singularly to sharing
time together must now be subdivided among familial responsibilities and the
needs of your children.
Expecting things to be what they were is impractical.
Your spouse is also affected by the children, which you
must expect.
He may be drawn more to the kids’ wants, work
responsibilities, and the demands of keeping the family company. It’s easy to
feel underappreciated, unsexy or just as another fixture in the home.
Communication remains one of the best ways to resolve these feelings.
Tell the man in your life what you need from him and where
you could use more support.